When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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