I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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