question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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