dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
