I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
