there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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