i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
