Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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