a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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