My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize