My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
