I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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