I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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