Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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