You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
