how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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