my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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