drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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