Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
