Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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