I love black thongs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
