Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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