Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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