please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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