I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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