Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
