This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
