I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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