you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
