I CAN MOONWALK!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
