A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
