You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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