her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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