I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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