i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
