I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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