I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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