one two three fourrrrnication!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
