LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize