just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
