You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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