I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i drank out of a bidet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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