Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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