Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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