smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
this hospital has no fireball
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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