Buhtt sex?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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