My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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