He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
