When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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