Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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