you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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