my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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