3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
