i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
