When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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