Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
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Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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