Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
