oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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