even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just invented taco cereal.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You've changed since you got that strap on
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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