I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
