Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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