from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This house was built for laser tag.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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