come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
