Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
