what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
