What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
