my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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