My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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