yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
