guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
