My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
