Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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