Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
