Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
