Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
