he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
