Will you blow on my dice?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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