just tell him i said nine months
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
