Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
