I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
