we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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