It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
