it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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