I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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