porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
