I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
