Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
