dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
not ubering you a puppy
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
