I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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