A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
either way he was missing a nipple.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
