Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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