My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
