You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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